Aw, the excitement of writing the first sentence of a blog entry. I meant to update so many weeks ago that I started to recently find myself lost as to what to choose to document. Since my last post, I hit the 3 month eating vegetarian mark as well as my 2 month anniversary in L’Arche. I think people like bulletpoint blogs, so let’s do it.
- A few weeks ago I joined in a Quaker meeting along with a couple friends. It included a 50 minute meditation and some sharing. Though I became very physically uncomfortable in a recent meditation, this time my body enjoyed it. In my meditation, rather than empty my head of thoughts, I try to more slowly identify my feelings and think through where they come from. At this meeting, I came in with a lot of nervousness about keeping my eyes closed in front of some 10 people I had never met, so I worked through that and felt happy upon the relaxation that came of it. I then came to learn that I share a lot in common with Quaker philosophy. It reminded me a lot of Catholic Social Teaching. A line from the literature I remember most comes out as “The survival of a religious institution is not to be a concern, but rather the ability to fulfill spiritual needs and strive towards God/Truth/Whatever you want to call it. The Catholic Church could learn from this, I imagine.
- Thanksgiving was a blessing. I ate about 4000 calories that day total. I started recently after that to attempt a 3000 calorie diet. It has been difficult to follow since I have yet to routinize exercise and I also find it hard to estimate how many calories I’m putting in me. That night, a group of us was out on a dock going into the St. John’s River. I felt inspired by the presence of stars, black night, and water all around.
- Some fellow assistant friends anonymously planned a nightly 3 step scavenger hunt for me to navigate. The rhyming riddles, Reese’s Fast Breaks, and realization I was being watched and laughed at while digging under swinging benches made for a yummy, feelin’ loved good time.
- Plans are afoot to travel to a Spanish-Speaking country with my brother next September. Yes please.
- I started letting my brain work on Sudoku’s again. A couple yers ago I tried them and became frustrated by an inability to solve the more difficult ones. After spending a good 45 minutes at least on a 5 star one, I have the techniques to complete hard ones sooner. Practice, practice, practice. I probably won’t touch them for a while now.
- My journaling method has been in flux for what seems like a half year. I now soak up the presleep sponge with a daily log of important happenings in the day (new addition: I title each day based on what I guess to be the most influential event), and then I pick a couple deep questions to answer before sleeping. Questions I pick most often are, “Where did my eyes linger today? What did I learn today? What new thoughts visited me? What did I begind today that might endure? Where could I have exposed myself to the risk of something different? Who saw me today? What did I avoid today? Why was I given this day?” Sometimes the journaling is like an addiction, but I like to believe that it helps me grow from day to day. I consider it prayer, a part of my spirituality.
- Harry Potter 7. I’m talking dressing up as characters 2 weeks after it opened in theaters. JP was Snape withan awesome black wig, Danielle was a Hogwarts student, Sarah was a Quidditch player, and Molly was Tonks. I was a Death eater. We all sported wands and the wizard and witch spirits. We watched in the early afternoon and there were about 5 others in the theater. I was gifted with excited energy as part of a sweet team. My favorite part was sliding down the side rail and kicking Snape in the back right at the bottom. No way it was a coincident that the timing worked like it does in the movies!
- I have started taking walks more frequently. I find these are times when I conjure up most of the lyrics I log in my poetry journal.
- We went to see the Nutcracker. I liked the first half which had a plot to it, but I became very skeptical of ballet because I did not understand how it is art, what it communicates. I can see it as sport and a show of physical intelligence, but I wouldn’t mind knowing more behind its purpose.
- Movies and music recently watched or heard: The Karate Kid, Elf, The Day the Earth Stood Still (I dig sci-fi), Elton Johns Greatest Hits, Radiohead.
- Books: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. This book has contained social skill gold for me. I have been most influenced by the observation/evaluation distinction he makes. He argues that people make judgments, or evaluations, that are inaccurate and cause violent communication and unreal barriers to be put up. For example, say I see someone leave their dishes on a table. To one person, this is interpreted as commonplace and there is no evaluation of bad, sloppy, serious, inconsiderate. Another person may observe this and evaluate that the person who left the dishes is sloppy and leaving work for others to do. These are assumptions. I would argue that a more effective approach to this observation is to focus on what one has observed and then ask questions rather than make assumptions about what it means that the person left their dirty dishes out. Perhaps that person has a task to complete right away and plans to come back to them. Perhaps leaving dishes in the sink until they stack up is their preference (as is often mine, if I were to live in my own place. I prefer letting dishes stack up and then making it into an event that I organize and do all the dishes). If one finds themself attaching judgments to peoples actions, then it often puts up a barrier between the other(s). Surely it would be impossible to elimiante all of our judgments, but I find it worthwhile to put effort into catching my own judgments. When bringing up a conflict with someone, I think it will be more effective to tell people the observations supporting the judgment, rather than the judgment itself (“I find you sloppy and inconsiderate” vs “I have noticed several occasions where you left your dishes in the sink and someone else ended up doing them.” The former will likely turn off the receiver of the message, whereas the latter leaves room for dialogue and understanding). Wow, this is just one point in the book and I would love to go into detail about the others. I highly recommend you check it out if you want to learn compassionate assertiveness that promote understanding and equality.
- Sarah and I heard many stories from Eric about witchcraft in the Phillipines. There was one story about a black stone passed down in a poor family that would allow them to fly at night on winged creatures. Other people were able to heal pains by placing hands on the person. I was so intrigued and wanting to visit some of the islands there to observe this for myself. Here in the United States, there is little superstition and belief in magic, but I have come to learn that “primitive” cultures in the world have strong witchcraft elements. I feel unable to make a judgment on it, because who has the authority to say it’s all a hoax or it’s all supernatural? (It’s probably neither of those two..)
- I received a nice cold that kept me avoiding contact with people. I wondered what it would be like to not have physical touch due to a chronic contagious condition. As I kept from hugging others, I was relieved at the expectation that I would be sick for a very limited time and go back to hugging. But hmm.
I’ve shot enough bullets onto the page now. I have recognized that I reserve writings on relationship experience with people in L’Arche for paragraph form. I don’t want to go on and on, but I will explain about “Benny” and I.
Benny and I get along really well, and I think it is because we both like to express companionship with physical touch. Bennie took initiative in poking, tickling, and rubbing my shoulder. I now enjoy doing the same with him. I just received a distaste for writing about the relationship. It’s difficult for me to communicate the growing bond. I think it’s best if I simply make observations. A couple days ago, Bennie and I walked around outside, tossing football and sitting next to each other on a swinging bench. Bennie is unable to hear all but yells, and he is more or less unable to speak. He communicates with hand motions, noises, and physical touch. Is Bennie unable to love or be loved due to these disabilities? I would argue that the opposite is closer to the case. My mind doesn’t get clogged with ideas of what to say to Bennie. We spend time with each other, share eye connections, give hugs, stretch, dance, and walk together. One night, I watched Bennie lead me to his room, point to a picture of him with his parents, and start to pout. He gets out his packing bag, signaling he wants to visit them (they are both very old and living in a nursing home). Though he didn’t tell me he was suffering and felt sad about not being with his parents for a long time, I think I understood him clearly. He willingly shared this hurt in his heart. It was special. When I look at Bennie, sometimes I give him the way I really feel rather than the mask I hide. If I’m tired, I’ll let out a sigh for him to see, letting him know I’m not all together and happy all the time. At first, Bennie seemed happy all the time, and that was until I noticed his sighs and the sad face when pointing at dad. Bennie teaches me how to communicate emotions honestly, without words. I feel excited that I’ve only begun schooling with him in this.
It’s the 1-on-1 connections that really cause the growth and community here in L’Arche. Really engaging another human being, whether it’s dialogue, nonverbal like eye contact, sitting together, showing old family photos. It’s attention, personal attention. That’s all it really takes. Somehow it’s so hard.
That’s a major lesson here.
Love,
Justin
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