Hello readers! It’s been a while and I thought I’d update this blog even though I do not plan to make up for months gone by without entries.
My experience as part of the L’Arche community in St. Louis has been full. I think I could write a book about each of the 5 people with whom I live. Kim, Pauline, Damon, Janet, and Agnes. Amy has come on as a live out assistant as well.
L’Arche is a magical place, with a lot of mystery. It’s hard to articulate how exactly God weaves in and out of all our relationships, but none of us has the bigger picture of what’s growing in our connections.
I sit here with Pauline at the Turner Center for the Arts, an art studio very close to our home. She says we’re having fun. She’s using watercolors to surround her double rainbow with a dark orange sunset. I’m reminded of why orange is my favorite color. We both really like this place as we hear others scribble and see them staring down. The music backgrounds our focus on our works.
Earlier this morning, I fell to my knees and I said to Kim, “I have a fever, and the only prescription is a Kim hug.” She immediately threw her arms around me and said, “I love you Justin.” Though this positive interaction may not have lasted long, I found myself more nourished and relaxed.
Here at L’Arche I am stretched beyond what I am used to. I am forced to recognize everyday that I will never be perfect. I will never have control over everything. In this lifetime, I will never be able to see the big picture. It’s too much, and so I remain in the mystery of it all, hoping that I contribute to the light and love of the world.
Some other things have changed since June. As I mentioned, Agnes, Pauline, and Amy have joined us. Heather, Sr. Maria, and Marie departed for the next stages of their lives. People have come from the Dept. of Mental Health to help us track and document what needs tracking and documenting. We are starting to welcome volunteers here and there for meals and time with core members. We have divied up various responsibilities. I am proud to play the role of house fire marshal, schedule-maker, and volunteer coordinator. Or at least, I try to fulfill the responsibilities of these positions.
There are many struggles and poverties for our home, as I expect there to be. I love that I have been able to accept more and more the reality that community strives towards certain ideals, and is sometimes able to temporarily realize them, but ultimately that perfection is never within our reach. Sometimes I feel pressure to say things are “going well” at the house, when frankly, they aren’t always. And why should they be? If you asked a woman in labor how she was doing, what kinds of answers would you expect? In the home, we are committed to giving birth to a new community. St. Louis has been pregnant for several years with a L’Arche community and the way I see it, the birthing process is still underway. I don’t mean to suggest that I am a mother or doula. I am a student. I am a participant. I am along for the ride. All of us are journeying together, through serious times and playful ones, through tough times and relaxed ones. Please pray for L’Arche St. Louis as we strive towards shining as a sign of hope in this world.
