Fall Semester's Closing Out: Progress is Measured in Transformation

Aw, the excitement of writing the first sentence of a blog entry. I meant to update so many weeks ago that I started to recently find myself lost as to what to choose to document. Since my last post, I hit the 3 month eating vegetarian mark as well as my 2 month anniversary in L’Arche. I think people like bulletpoint blogs, so let’s do it.

• A few weeks ago I joined in a Quaker meeting along with a couple friends. It included a 50 minute meditation and some sharing. Though I became very physically uncomfortable in a recent meditation, this time my body enjoyed it. In my meditation, rather than empty my head of thoughts, I try to more slowly identify my feelings and think through where they come from. At this meeting, I came in with a lot of nervousness about keeping my eyes closed in front of some 10 people I had never met, so I worked through that and felt happy upon the relaxation that came of it. I then came to learn that I share a lot in common with Quaker philosophy. It reminded me a lot of Catholic Social Teaching. A line from the literature I remember most comes out as “The survival of a religious institution is not to be a concern, but rather the ability to fulfill spiritual needs and strive towards God/Truth/Whatever you want to call it. The Catholic Church could learn from this, I imagine.
• Thanksgiving was a blessing. I ate about 4000 calories that day total. I started recently after that to attempt a 3000 calorie diet. It has been difficult to follow since I have yet to routinize exercise and I also find it hard to estimate how many calories I’m putting in me. That night, a group of us was out on a dock going into the St. John’s River. I felt inspired by the presence of stars, black night, and water all around.
• Some fellow assistant friends anonymously planned a nightly 3 step scavenger hunt for me to navigate. The rhyming riddles, Reese’s Fast Breaks, and realization I was being watched and laughed at while digging under swinging benches made for a yummy, feelin’ loved good time.
• Plans are afoot to travel to a Spanish-Speaking country with my brother next September. Yes please.
• I started letting my brain work on Sudoku’s again. A couple yers ago I tried them and became frustrated by an inability to solve the more difficult ones. After spending a good 45 minutes at least on a 5 star one, I have the techniques to complete hard ones sooner. Practice, practice, practice. I probably won’t touch them for a while now.
• My journaling method has been in flux for what seems like a half year. I now soak up the presleep sponge with a daily log of important happenings in the day (new addition: I title each day based on what I guess to be the most influential event), and then I pick a couple deep questions to answer before sleeping. Questions I pick most often are, “Where did my eyes linger today? What did I learn today? What new thoughts visited me? What did I begind today that might endure? Where could I have exposed myself to the risk of something different? Who saw me today? What did I avoid today? Why was I given this day?” Sometimes the journaling is like an addiction, but I like to believe that it helps me grow from day to day. I consider it prayer, a part of my spirituality.
• Harry Potter 7. I’m talking dressing up as characters 2 weeks after it opened in theaters. JP was Snape withan awesome black wig, Danielle was a Hogwarts student, Sarah was a Quidditch player, and Molly was Tonks. I was a Death eater. We all sported wands and the wizard and witch spirits. We watched in the early afternoon and there were about 5 others in the theater. I was gifted with excited energy as part of a sweet team. My favorite part was sliding down the side rail and kicking Snape in the back right at the bottom. No way it was a coincident that the timing worked like it does in the movies!
• I have started taking walks more frequently. I find these are times when I conjure up most of the lyrics I log in my poetry journal.
• We went to see the Nutcracker. I liked the first half which had a plot to it, but I became very skeptical of ballet because I did not understand how it is art, what it communicates. I can see it as sport and a show of physical intelligence, but I wouldn’t mind knowing more behind its purpose.
• Movies and music recently watched or heard: The Karate Kid, Elf, The Day the Earth Stood Still (I dig sci-fi), Elton Johns Greatest Hits, Radiohead.
• Books: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. This book has contained social skill gold for me. I have been most influenced by the observation/evaluation distinction he makes. He argues that people make judgments, or evaluations, that are inaccurate and cause violent communication and unreal barriers to be put up. For example, say I see someone leave their dishes on a table. To one person, this is interpreted as commonplace and there is no evaluation of bad, sloppy, serious, inconsiderate. Another person may observe this and evaluate that the person who left the dishes is sloppy and leaving work for others to do. These are assumptions. I would argue that a more effective approach to this observation is to focus on what one has observed and then ask questions rather than make assumptions about what it means that the person left their dirty dishes out. Perhaps that person has a task to complete right away and plans to come back to them. Perhaps leaving dishes in the sink until they stack up is their preference (as is often mine, if I were to live in my own place. I prefer letting dishes stack up and then making it into an event that I organize and do all the dishes). If one finds themself attaching judgments to peoples actions, then it often puts up a barrier between the other(s). Surely it would be impossible to elimiante all of our judgments, but I find it worthwhile to put effort into catching my own judgments. When bringing up a conflict with someone, I think it will be more effective to tell people the observations supporting the judgment, rather than the judgment itself (“I find you sloppy and inconsiderate” vs “I have noticed several occasions where you left your dishes in the sink and someone else ended up doing them.” The former will likely turn off the receiver of the message, whereas the latter leaves room for dialogue and understanding). Wow, this is just one point in the book and I would love to go into detail about the others. I highly recommend you check it out if you want to learn compassionate assertiveness that promote understanding and equality.
• Sarah and I heard many stories from Eric about witchcraft in the Phillipines. There was one story about a black stone passed down in a poor family that would allow them to fly at night on winged creatures. Other people were able to heal pains by placing hands on the person. I was so intrigued and wanting to visit some of the islands there to observe this for myself. Here in the United States, there is little superstition and belief in magic, but I have come to learn that “primitive” cultures in the world have strong witchcraft elements. I feel unable to make a judgment on it, because who has the authority to say it’s all a hoax or it’s all supernatural? (It’s probably neither of those two..)
• I received a nice cold that kept me avoiding contact with people. I wondered what it would be like to not have physical touch due to a chronic contagious condition. As I kept from hugging others, I was relieved at the expectation that I would be sick for a very limited time and go back to hugging. But hmm.

I’ve shot enough bullets onto the page now. I have recognized that I reserve writings on relationship experience with people in L’Arche for paragraph form. I don’t want to go on and on, but I will explain about “Benny” and I.
Benny and I get along really well, and I think it is because we both like to express companionship with physical touch. Bennie took initiative in poking, tickling, and rubbing my shoulder. I now enjoy doing the same with him. I just received a distaste for writing about the relationship. It’s difficult for me to communicate the growing bond. I think it’s best if I simply make observations. A couple days ago, Bennie and I walked around outside, tossing football and sitting next to each other on a swinging bench. Bennie is unable to hear all but yells, and he is more or less unable to speak. He communicates with hand motions, noises, and physical touch. Is Bennie unable to love or be loved due to these disabilities? I would argue that the opposite is closer to the case. My mind doesn’t get clogged with ideas of what to say to Bennie. We spend time with each other, share eye connections, give hugs, stretch, dance, and walk together. One night, I watched Bennie lead me to his room, point to a picture of him with his parents, and start to pout. He gets out his packing bag, signaling he wants to visit them (they are both very old and living in a nursing home). Though he didn’t tell me he was suffering and felt sad about not being with his parents for a long time, I think I understood him clearly. He willingly shared this hurt in his heart. It was special. When I look at Bennie, sometimes I give him the way I really feel rather than the mask I hide. If I’m tired, I’ll let out a sigh for him to see, letting him know I’m not all together and happy all the time. At first, Bennie seemed happy all the time, and that was until I noticed his sighs and the sad face when pointing at dad. Bennie teaches me how to communicate emotions honestly, without words. I feel excited that I’ve only begun schooling with him in this.
It’s the 1-on-1 connections that really cause the growth and community here in L’Arche. Really engaging another human being, whether it’s dialogue, nonverbal like eye contact, sitting together, showing old family photos. It’s attention, personal attention. That’s all it really takes. Somehow it’s so hard.

That’s a major lesson here.

Love,

Justin

Drinking from the Fountain of L'Arche: New Schedule, New classes, New Lessons

Things have changed.

In the past few weeks, I have experienced a trampoline jump into employment, a conclusion in one living situation, quasi-homelessness amidst a celebration, and the birth of times sharing life in the Nouwen house.

The St. Louis L’Arche community will be opening a bit later than expected in my first post. Now, late March or April is a more probable open date. As a result, the 2 founding assistants of the upcoming community, Heather and I, were hired on as live-in assistants here in Jacksonville until we return to St. Louis. I would have preferred to start in St. Louis in January, but the idea that I will be here for much longer does not cause me unhappiness. In fact, I can easily conjure up more of what I will learn from staying, such as how to make sure I take care of my needs. Looking back, it felt like the whole year in Portland was an effort at adapting to living in a new place without much of a beginning network. I hope that the process comes more naturally here in Jacksonville. So far, it feels like it has, principally because I live within a well established community!

Peace House, it was a pleasure living with you for the few weeks I roomed in you. I appreciated that you really welcomed me and opened up to me. I enjoyed the tickling, singing, cleaning, kindness, and conversation that the core members contributed, as well as the friendships formed with the assistants. Just when I was really starting to get attached, I had to swing to the next platform: Nouwen House. Of course, it was a rough start paired with the 25th Anniversary celebration of Harbor House. My bedroom in Great Full house (for sleeping in Great Full, but sharing life in Nouwen) was hijacked by a woman named Lisa, an assistant in Chicago L’Arche who had come down along with “Jeremy.” I really enjoyed learning about how it looks to go to school for spiritual direction from Lisa. The plan was to sleep one night on the couch and two nights in the apartment, but my two days away (no responsibility days) were changed, initiating the aforementioned quasi-homelessness sequence. I greatly exaggerate, because I had a comfortable place to sleep within the same house that contained my bedroom, but the instability of it caused uneasiness in me. I had just moved from Peace house to Nouwen house, so I already felt like something of a stranger. I learned something about myself from this bout of extreme destitution: I become very attached to rooms that are “mine.” As someone who identifies as an introvert, I really take comfort in the refuge offered by personal bedrooms. I become safe from emotional labor and spontaneous encounters. I like that when I am in my room, I better control the passage of time because I find I am responsible to myself and not the needs or desires that others have of me.

Nouwen house. It was easier for me this time to identify the value in each core member, outside of their intrinsic value. Many great teachers in this community : )

I have been in Nouwen for a little over a week at this point. My perception of “Ricky,” an older member, has really gone through a turnaround since I started living her. At first, I was slightly irritated by the constant questions he asked, many of which seemed to hide a motive to earn more unhealthy food options. He did not remember my name and I did not see him smile. I’m not sure what exactly caused the change, but I remember hearing Hank say to me, “It’s Ricky’s world,” and that was when my irritation seemed to melt away. That’s about when I became one of Ricky’s top fans. It might have been the smiles. Much like one member at Peace house who I became a fan of once I heard her laugh, I became a fan of Ricky when I saw him happy. Hearing him proudly state his name (first and last) and smile that big grin of his in front of a mirror just makes me crack up. It took me a few days to start accepting him for the person he happens to be at this point in his life.

I have noticed that Ricky has challenged me in another way that very much pleases me. When he is in a social mood, many of the questions he puts forth are ones that I normally respond to with how there is more than one answer. It may be from picking up on how Ricky would prefer shorter answers, or maybe I am becoming impatient, but I have started to find it easier to let go of the infinite complexities of what answers could be. I am becoming more comfortable with answering simply, “yes” or “no” to questions he poses, like “Are vegetables good for you?” “Yes” is a better answer in most cases than “as long as they are consumed in moderation and part of a balanced diet.”

I am largely satisfied with the idea that I answer questions firmly, with more decision, commitment, and strength. This is positive assuming I don’t disregard the deeper reality of the elusiveness of truth that Socrates endorsed.

Also from Nouwen house, I could take a lesson from “Sam” in terms of showing someone special attention. The way he holds your hand, smiles at you, offers a gentle shoulder pat and hug is more than enough to put me happily at ease at least for while. Sam’s reaching out to me in this way so immediately after meeting him was one of the amazing aspects of joining this community. Sam is very hard of hearing and close to mute, but maybe he pulls the power lost in those disabilities into the power of his toothless beam. Sam cared about me for being human before I had a chance to live in Nouwen and spend quality time with him.
I will be residing in Nouwen House until March or so of next year, so there is time to share more of the personalities and behaviors there in coming posts.

Some lessons from homework…

• SOA Georgia: I road tripped with JP and Danielle to Fort Benning Georgia to rally for the closing of WHINSEC (Western Hemisphere Institute of Security Cooperation). I had the chance to see St. Louis friends and acquaintances, feel again like part of a good love-based tradition, and learn amazing facts about Tiftin Georgia (over 71 lakes and ponds…Reading Capital of the World!)
• Ronald McDonald House: I went with a couple Nouwen housers to this place and learned what they are about, which is providing temporary housing for parents of children with illnesses that must be treated away from home in Jacksonville hospitals.
• Civil War Reenactors: At a state park here, there were some Union troops living there for the weekend. Apparently, Cincinnati was a “mustering” point for Union soldiers and were part of the efforts to overtake and maintain control of Jacksonville. I meet so many people from Cincinnati here and find lots of connections between the cities.
• Mime skit 25th anniversary, AJ moment: A primary part of the 25 anniversary celebration was a mime skit, where daily life members mimed a typical day at L’Arche. AJ, who I went to school with at SLU, was here visiting since he is working with L’Arche over in Mobile Alabama. We had a chance to discuss JVC and it was a sweet surprise.
• "Booz cruise": L’Arche Harbor House received a late afternoon boat cruise from the Blanchart’s, which was a great time. There was dancing, good food, and great sights along the St. John’s River.
• Keeping up with Daily Show: The Daily Show has seemed to be more important now than never in learning about the ridiculous 24hour news stations and politicians putting their stink out into the world.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm: The thought of Larry David in this show cracks me up. The social conventions he constantly challenges and defends make for many chuckles. I recommend it for a laugh. You can start watching at any point it seems.
• Backstreet Boys: I borrowed the 3 recent CDs of the Backstreet boys and listened to them quite a bit. I didn’t realize their recent CD tried to imitate some style of current mainstream hip hop hits. Listen to “This is Us” and “Inconsolable.”
• Matrix night: I ended up initiating a Matrix watching night. I love all three Matrix movies. I want to write a trilogy story much like it. One of my goals.
• Dennys: I went to Denny’s for the first time. Better than I imagined it could be.
• L’Arche assistant culture: There is competition among some assistants to cover expenses of the others, whether it’s restaurant bills, groceries, or random stuff. It’s awesome, but it can get out of hand. There is also a betting culture. I lost for guessing the wrong number of South Park seasons and had to offer up a bottle of wine to Sarah.
• Love Languages: There is model out there of the 5 love languages we like to express or receive: physical touch, quality time, gift giving, verbal affirmations, and acts of service. I have started trying to keep a record of what everyone prefers to receive. I personally prefer receiving physical touch (hard to ask for me and others because don’t want it to come across as sexual need), but I enjoy the others, like gifts of information and being challenged.
• Rubber band battle: Dina’s son and I enjoyed a rubber band battle in Great Full house. It was a blast flicking rubber bands at a moving target.



Before departing this entry, I want to remark on recent spirituality discussions I’ve shared with friends. It relates less directly to L’Arche, but if you are interested please read on! Mjid, a fellow assistant and I, grasped for truth together on a late Sunday night. I like to use the finger point analogy. Stay with me as I explain. Basically, I support the idea that God/Truth/Great Mystery/Awareness/Ultimate Wisdom (whatever you want to call it) exists and can be discovered in bits and pieces. Understanding of it all is impossible. There is simply no way for me to wrap my brain around the utter mystery of life. Truth is beyond my brain’s capabilities. This is an idea that I have only recently begun to truly accept. It is OKAY if I cannot logically make sense of all the mysteries of life. My brain is not God. There will always be a Great Mystery that one mind cannot fathom and completely understand. Science will reach ever and ever closer to scientific truths, but the reality (and I’m pulling from Integral Spirituality here) is that we can never fully get at all the variables for life. The individual by itself, especially, is so very limited. As a collective, humans and the universe can become ever closer to God. I believe that awareness of interdependence will help one see this.

Anyway, the finger pointing! So there are fingers, all of which point towards God/Truth/Great Mystery/Awareness/Ultimate Wisdom. My philosophy diagnoses the finger as both the problem and key to the solution. I have as of yet explored the finger representing various religions. The image is perhaps most clear when using the Bible or Qur'an. The Bible, I would argue, contains many insights that point towards God. The Bible is not God, because God is God, and God is unattainable and perfect. Yet, the problem with the finger is that so many people look at the finger and say, “that is God.” The Bible is not God! It is a finger pointing at God! Because people claim the finger is God, we get what most people refer to as fundamentalists. I’m excited at the prospect that this analogy functions outside of religion though. Staying on track, the Bible offers a lot of insight that makes us closer to God, which is my goal and I think the goal of anyone who takes all their innate identities seriously (as a spiritual being, physical being, sexual being, thinking being, emotional being, social being, etc.).

Going further, whereas the problem with so many people in so many instances is claiming the finger is God, the solution lies in taking what we can get from the finger, for what it is, a way to get at God. Now, so many (of my generation especially) write off religions due to their tendency to worshiping the finger rather than God.

Let’s look at an example that will help elucidate some of this jargon. Mjid and I are discussing Islam, specifically the call to prayer 5 times a day that is required of Muslims. Now, to someone like me, 5 is a fairly arbitrary number for Mohammad to have picked, even with consideration of it being picked for different positions of the sun. I assume (perhaps wrongly) it could have just as easily been 3, 5 or 8 prayer times in the day. Now, to many Muslims, the most important part here is to pray 5 times a day at the right times. That is the tradition, the institution. The error comes when one believes man was made for the rule, and not rule for the man. The finger is the 5 daily prayers. What I perceive to be pointing at is the benefit or need of prayer. Whether I do it 3 or 7 times a day is not as important as that I pray at all, and consistently if possible. The consistency part is what causes me to take seriously the importance of institution and tradition. It creates a structure that we can follow in order to meet our spiritual needs, like prayer. When religious institutions first begin, they are probably effective because the need for the institution is obvious. It’s an outlet for out spiritualities. We can commit to our spiritualities by committing to religious institutions. The error comes then when the need for the institution is forgotten. In my parents generation and older especially, there is tradition and institution, but the spirituality has somehow run away from why the institution was created to begin with! Error comes when there is no critique of the institution has a human made thing. Spirituality may come from God, but we need to analyze and adapt our institutions to keep up with how our spiritualities grow. My conclusion from these thoughts is that spirituality is most important, but religious commitment (the aspect of community I can get at another time) is a potentially awesome vehicle for developing and adapting one’s spirituality (I can easily relate to this. Though I ended my claim on Catholicism, I more or less remained active in campus ministry because I recognized that I grew from what came of my involvement).

In order to adapt to the lack of adaptation from institutions like the Catholic Church, there are new religions and spiritualities that are sprouting up, and have been for years (look at the thousands of denominational and non denominational Christian churches, yoga, Buddhist influence). Institutions must adapt to new realities or people defect. So many young people now are defecting from the Church into often absent or nebulous spiritualities. Many safely find good churches to join though.

Anyway, this has really gone on long enough and maybe I’ll continue writing on this stuff in a more structured way here soon...

Thanks to everyone who chooses to read this blog here. I appreciate any interest you have and I love hearing people say they enjoy it. I proclaim thanks for the skills I have that allow me to write, think, share, offer what I am blessed with to the world.

Starting Classes: Everyone is my Teacher

Advice that I have been given by multiple people now is to take L’Arche in and feel it out. That is more important now than being assigned chores and learning how documentation and administration work in L’Arche. So I’m basically being advised to ease up on my vacuum cleaner tendency to suck up tangible info goodies and instead soak in the culture, the feel, the relationships of L’Arche. I find this challenging because there’s the side of me that likes to believe that I have read Vanier’s stuff and studied L’Arche materials enough to understand all I need to understand to be a founding assistant. I intend to follow the advice because it will mean learning a new kind of patience that asks for easing up on my mind rather than my body.

Eric is an assistant here at L’Arche Harbor House, and I want to give him credit for provoking most of the ideas I write about here. There were conversations with David Keel, Sarah Thullberry, and others that contributed as well. Thanks.

There are basically a couple concepts out in the sea and I am attempting to catch all of them and eat them (though I’ve been doing the vegetarian thing for over 6 weeks now I think!). The first is Ken Wilber’s integral operating system, or OIS. Integral philosophy is an attempt at constructing a schema that includes everything! I believe thus far that it does an excellent job of encapsulating all philosophies of which people subscribe. Let me break it down quickly: there are four quadrants that are all relevant to an integral vision. One quadrant focuses on a person’s emotion/perceptions/sensations/spirituality, the second focuses on the biological/scientific side of quadrant one. The third quadrant looks at relationships, and the fourth is a more macro view of that quadrant, i.e. sociology, anthropology, etc. A person like Richard Dawkins, for example, stays focused in quadrant 2 when it comes to his views on theology, and so many like myself find it frustrating that he does not give proper credence to what comes of personal experience and relationship. It’s not that Dawkins is wrong, even. It’s just limited in its scope. So anyway, I am from hereon going to be running this broad philosophy through my mental gauntlet.

The second concept is a branching out of how people like you and I bring value to the world. I have been describing it as value that goes beyond our abilities and disabilities into the realm of symbols and representation. For example, Manuel from the last entry lives with certain slowness. His is a slowness that demands the encouragement of others to achieve the necessities of sustainable daily living. For many, I can imagine this would get cumbersome fast. Manuel has the abilities to make others laugh and help out with some chores. He has disabilities caused by Down syndrome, and slowness could be added to this list. But it is our wounds that alternately serve as gifts, as teachers even, of what humans can learn. So Manuel is a teacher of slowness, he goes so far as to represent the importance of slowness to me.

Manuel questions my need to be efficient in my actions. Boom! Someone like me finds efficiency in most situations so important that it often paralyzes me. If I cannot think of an efficient way to save gas as I drive from place to place fulfilling errands, I build up my anxiety and never leave the house! Yet Manuel here pauses multiple times as he walks from the van drop-off back to us in Peace House. Wow. The snack he loves to gobble up and potential tickle-inducing belly laughs are waiting for him just a few steps away, but he stands there and takes life in at that moment. Is “efficient” the best way if I cannot seem to enjoy the journey to the places I most desire to be? And I thought you needed a school and a classroom to be a teacher. That’s why I love the notion that L’Arche is a school, the houses are classrooms, and the core members are teachers.

Another example of our symbolism is a child and their smile. The value of an innocent child is not that they are able to clean the house, mow the lawn, and bring revenue into a household. When I walk by a small child playing happily with toys, I do not think about how the kid is dependent on hand outs from his/her parents. We are all dependent on others in various ways at every point in our lives. I accept the joy of the world as I take in that child’s smile and laughter. (To the parent, the child may be a terror all the time, but) for me that child is a symbol of beauty and innocence in the world. It is easy for many people to develop skeptical views of the world. I hope that each of us can recognize the value of a smile.

I could apply other examples, but I think that if we think on it, we become aware of the dual nature of our abilities and disabilities. They are one in the same. It is from wounds we develop abilities. Take my tendency to remain an objective observer. Though this is often an impediment in being in relationship, it is a gift when it comes to developing productive recommendations for an organization for which I am a member.


Some lessons from homework…

• Fellow assistant Thomas taught me the basic tips of speed reading. So much of it is understanding the context of the book. What is the basic message of the book? What do we know of the author? Reading the introduction and knowing the framework of a book seems more important than the actual fast paced reading (which is done by underlining book lines with your fingers and leading your eyes quickly).
• I made my first dinner, but it was for only 4 people. Potato curry (I know to use coconut milk next time…and scrambled eggs with veggies tossed in)
• My first JAX Trivia Night happened and we took 2nd place!
• One of the core members I live with sang and played her bongo drum for me and I found it surprisingly adorable and energetic.
• I voted absentee and used it primarily to promote third parties
• Halloween happened last night. Peace House won the best costume award for our Wizard of Oz theme (I was the ninja of Oz…yes). I engaged in multiple swordfights and dance numbers. Special thanks to the hosts and band.
• At the beach, I learned some great games, one of which is called sandball, and I highly recommend it. Two or more people build solid round sandballs and see which one is more solid by rolling them down a small hill into each other. Do this multiple times until someone’s ball breaks significantly. The ball standing is the winner. To make a solid heavy ball of sand, use wet sand as the center and surround it with dry sand, much like preparing the bread for pizza.

And now, some wisdom from Jean Vanier’s “Becoming Human.”

“When we refuse to accept that loneliness and insecurity are part of life, when we refuse to accept that they are the price of change, we close the door on many possibilities for ourselves; our lives become lessened, we are less than fully human.”

“I believe that every act of violence is also a message that needs to be understood.”

“To name something is to bring it out of chaos, out of confusion, and to render it understandable.”

Enrollment & Orientation

Hello there readers,

One week ago, I departed Cincinnati of Ohio and traversed over the Southern floor, landing in a city named for Old Hickory: Jacksonville Florida. A young woman with the intriguing name of Rhona welcomed me and invited me into a car carrying me to the, until then, elusive L’Arche* Harbor House community. I put my right shoe from the passenger seat floor onto the gravel of a lot, and then put the left on it too. I look around with wide eyes at palm trees, green grass, and some serene homes. I have arrived on campus..

At the outset of 2011, the St. Louis L’Arche community plans to officially cut the ribbon in front of a house in the town of Maplewood. A former convent with lots of space and possibilities, this house will house a community leader, Janet, two core members (with intellectual disabilities), and two founding assistants, Heather and Justin. The second name refers to the author of this entry.

I learned of L’Arche primarily through a friend and mentor by the name of Sam Wilson. The depth of his gratitude for his experience in L’Arche Mobile was manifest. He shared stories of humor, challenge, humility, and brokenness. I was intrigued, but never thought it was my scene. Working with what I considered the developmentally disabled population was not an interest of mine. I continued meeting with Sam and found myself curious about the progress of a future St. Louis L’Arche community. I sent an email in the late winter of this year and I fail to recollect what it was that pushed me to push send on that outgoing email. Perhaps the little I learned about the L’Arche communities in the Northwest wherein some volunteered had contributed to further consideration.

Anyhow, the cogs continued revolving, eventually provoking a visit to St. Louis that resulted in a discontinuation of my discernment. The decision was made to walk a plank. And jump forward. Would I hold on to the plank upon jumping and crawl back up? Would I sink? What shores might I wash upon? I intend to explore these questions with you in this log of experiments as a student in L’Arche.

Peace House, one of the five house communities of L’Arche Harbor House, is where I currently share life. I am here to receive 2 months of training in preparation for serving as a founding assistant in St. Louis beginning next year.

Soon after arrival, I met “Manuel,” a man who seemed quiet and in his own world. He would be the one to initiate me. After my first dinner at the house, assistant Danielle noticed Manuel was in a good mood (I had no idea how to perceive this), came up behind him, and dug her hands up deep into the pits of his arms. Manuel swung his arms up in delight, laughing ecstatically. She continued tickling his underarms for what seemed like forever, Manuel’s eyes squinted and mouth open revealing missing his front teeth. This relationship that Danielle seemed to have with a core member was one I envied and wished to behold myself.

A few days later, in the morning, I was in the office by my bedroom with a Rhona and Thomas who had just helped Manuel with his medication. I stood behind him, and he then turned, put a one fingered claw on my chest and softly chimed “tickle tickle.” This was my moment! I jammed my fingers into his armpits and aimed to make him bust out some belly laughs. Rhona asked Manuel, “What are you doing just standing there, Manuel? Run!” So he scooted forward into my bedroom and belly flopped onto my bed. I continued the amusement as his giggles drowned from high pitched to low. My arm muscles grew tired quickly (quite a workout actually), and stood there as Manuel heaved deep breaths, prostrate on the bed. I was overjoyed to experience a growth in my relationship with him. Maybe he just wanted a tickle from anyone, but I claim it as my initiation.

One bit of truth I have received regards the diversity amongst those with intellectual disabilities, as well as the special skills people have as well. For example, although one core member lacks coordination skills, she has the uncanny ability to remember dates of events and other bits of information. An ability that everyone seems to have, especially the core members, is to create laughter. I have laughed more recently than I have in ages.

I’ve been in Harbor house for only 9 days and I know there are challenges I have not truly experienced as so many assistants have, but my attitude is open to the deeper frustrations and pleasures to come in both this city and St. Louis.

Some lessons from homework…

• I have had the opportunity to walk on the beach at night with fellow assistant Sarah and discuss our faith journeys. Totally awesome.
• I went to a Monday Night Football game between Jacksonville Jaguars and the Tennessee Titans. The jags got walloped, but it was a great time with new friends.
• On my first night, I attended a dance at a church where I, danced with a handful of people with disabilities. I felt less concerned about how I was perceived being in such a loving accepting community. So comfortable, in fact, that Thomas and I initiated the karaoke performance of “I’ll Make Love to You” by Boys II Men. The ladies went wild.
• The Jacksonville Zoo was more impressive than I thought it would be. Although I have ethical concerns about zoos, it was a fun time for us all, especially as a silverback gorilla approached “Margie” from the other side of the glass barrier and stared at the corn chips she was snacking on in her lap.
• I have started to learn how to sit with a group of people without feeling a need to talk.

“To love someone is not first of all to do things for them, but to reveal to them their beauty and value, to say to them through our attitude: ‘You are beautiful. You are important. I trust you. I trust you. You can trust yourself.’ We all know well that we can do things for others and in the process crush them, making them feel that they are incapable of doing things by themselves. To love someone is to reveal to them their capacities for life, the light that is shining in them.”

-Jean Vanier in “From Brokenness to Community”

* "The aim of l'Arche is to create communities, which welcome people with a mental handicap. By this means, l'Arche seeks to respond to the distress of those who are too often rejected, and to give them a valid place in society…It seeks to offer not a solution but a sign, a sign that a society, to be truly human, must be founded on welcome and respect for the weak and the downtrodden."

-L'Arche Charter