Drinking from the Fountain of L'Arche: New Schedule, New classes, New Lessons

Things have changed.

In the past few weeks, I have experienced a trampoline jump into employment, a conclusion in one living situation, quasi-homelessness amidst a celebration, and the birth of times sharing life in the Nouwen house.

The St. Louis L’Arche community will be opening a bit later than expected in my first post. Now, late March or April is a more probable open date. As a result, the 2 founding assistants of the upcoming community, Heather and I, were hired on as live-in assistants here in Jacksonville until we return to St. Louis. I would have preferred to start in St. Louis in January, but the idea that I will be here for much longer does not cause me unhappiness. In fact, I can easily conjure up more of what I will learn from staying, such as how to make sure I take care of my needs. Looking back, it felt like the whole year in Portland was an effort at adapting to living in a new place without much of a beginning network. I hope that the process comes more naturally here in Jacksonville. So far, it feels like it has, principally because I live within a well established community!

Peace House, it was a pleasure living with you for the few weeks I roomed in you. I appreciated that you really welcomed me and opened up to me. I enjoyed the tickling, singing, cleaning, kindness, and conversation that the core members contributed, as well as the friendships formed with the assistants. Just when I was really starting to get attached, I had to swing to the next platform: Nouwen House. Of course, it was a rough start paired with the 25th Anniversary celebration of Harbor House. My bedroom in Great Full house (for sleeping in Great Full, but sharing life in Nouwen) was hijacked by a woman named Lisa, an assistant in Chicago L’Arche who had come down along with “Jeremy.” I really enjoyed learning about how it looks to go to school for spiritual direction from Lisa. The plan was to sleep one night on the couch and two nights in the apartment, but my two days away (no responsibility days) were changed, initiating the aforementioned quasi-homelessness sequence. I greatly exaggerate, because I had a comfortable place to sleep within the same house that contained my bedroom, but the instability of it caused uneasiness in me. I had just moved from Peace house to Nouwen house, so I already felt like something of a stranger. I learned something about myself from this bout of extreme destitution: I become very attached to rooms that are “mine.” As someone who identifies as an introvert, I really take comfort in the refuge offered by personal bedrooms. I become safe from emotional labor and spontaneous encounters. I like that when I am in my room, I better control the passage of time because I find I am responsible to myself and not the needs or desires that others have of me.

Nouwen house. It was easier for me this time to identify the value in each core member, outside of their intrinsic value. Many great teachers in this community : )

I have been in Nouwen for a little over a week at this point. My perception of “Ricky,” an older member, has really gone through a turnaround since I started living her. At first, I was slightly irritated by the constant questions he asked, many of which seemed to hide a motive to earn more unhealthy food options. He did not remember my name and I did not see him smile. I’m not sure what exactly caused the change, but I remember hearing Hank say to me, “It’s Ricky’s world,” and that was when my irritation seemed to melt away. That’s about when I became one of Ricky’s top fans. It might have been the smiles. Much like one member at Peace house who I became a fan of once I heard her laugh, I became a fan of Ricky when I saw him happy. Hearing him proudly state his name (first and last) and smile that big grin of his in front of a mirror just makes me crack up. It took me a few days to start accepting him for the person he happens to be at this point in his life.

I have noticed that Ricky has challenged me in another way that very much pleases me. When he is in a social mood, many of the questions he puts forth are ones that I normally respond to with how there is more than one answer. It may be from picking up on how Ricky would prefer shorter answers, or maybe I am becoming impatient, but I have started to find it easier to let go of the infinite complexities of what answers could be. I am becoming more comfortable with answering simply, “yes” or “no” to questions he poses, like “Are vegetables good for you?” “Yes” is a better answer in most cases than “as long as they are consumed in moderation and part of a balanced diet.”

I am largely satisfied with the idea that I answer questions firmly, with more decision, commitment, and strength. This is positive assuming I don’t disregard the deeper reality of the elusiveness of truth that Socrates endorsed.

Also from Nouwen house, I could take a lesson from “Sam” in terms of showing someone special attention. The way he holds your hand, smiles at you, offers a gentle shoulder pat and hug is more than enough to put me happily at ease at least for while. Sam’s reaching out to me in this way so immediately after meeting him was one of the amazing aspects of joining this community. Sam is very hard of hearing and close to mute, but maybe he pulls the power lost in those disabilities into the power of his toothless beam. Sam cared about me for being human before I had a chance to live in Nouwen and spend quality time with him.
I will be residing in Nouwen House until March or so of next year, so there is time to share more of the personalities and behaviors there in coming posts.

Some lessons from homework…

• SOA Georgia: I road tripped with JP and Danielle to Fort Benning Georgia to rally for the closing of WHINSEC (Western Hemisphere Institute of Security Cooperation). I had the chance to see St. Louis friends and acquaintances, feel again like part of a good love-based tradition, and learn amazing facts about Tiftin Georgia (over 71 lakes and ponds…Reading Capital of the World!)
• Ronald McDonald House: I went with a couple Nouwen housers to this place and learned what they are about, which is providing temporary housing for parents of children with illnesses that must be treated away from home in Jacksonville hospitals.
• Civil War Reenactors: At a state park here, there were some Union troops living there for the weekend. Apparently, Cincinnati was a “mustering” point for Union soldiers and were part of the efforts to overtake and maintain control of Jacksonville. I meet so many people from Cincinnati here and find lots of connections between the cities.
• Mime skit 25th anniversary, AJ moment: A primary part of the 25 anniversary celebration was a mime skit, where daily life members mimed a typical day at L’Arche. AJ, who I went to school with at SLU, was here visiting since he is working with L’Arche over in Mobile Alabama. We had a chance to discuss JVC and it was a sweet surprise.
• "Booz cruise": L’Arche Harbor House received a late afternoon boat cruise from the Blanchart’s, which was a great time. There was dancing, good food, and great sights along the St. John’s River.
• Keeping up with Daily Show: The Daily Show has seemed to be more important now than never in learning about the ridiculous 24hour news stations and politicians putting their stink out into the world.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm: The thought of Larry David in this show cracks me up. The social conventions he constantly challenges and defends make for many chuckles. I recommend it for a laugh. You can start watching at any point it seems.
• Backstreet Boys: I borrowed the 3 recent CDs of the Backstreet boys and listened to them quite a bit. I didn’t realize their recent CD tried to imitate some style of current mainstream hip hop hits. Listen to “This is Us” and “Inconsolable.”
• Matrix night: I ended up initiating a Matrix watching night. I love all three Matrix movies. I want to write a trilogy story much like it. One of my goals.
• Dennys: I went to Denny’s for the first time. Better than I imagined it could be.
• L’Arche assistant culture: There is competition among some assistants to cover expenses of the others, whether it’s restaurant bills, groceries, or random stuff. It’s awesome, but it can get out of hand. There is also a betting culture. I lost for guessing the wrong number of South Park seasons and had to offer up a bottle of wine to Sarah.
• Love Languages: There is model out there of the 5 love languages we like to express or receive: physical touch, quality time, gift giving, verbal affirmations, and acts of service. I have started trying to keep a record of what everyone prefers to receive. I personally prefer receiving physical touch (hard to ask for me and others because don’t want it to come across as sexual need), but I enjoy the others, like gifts of information and being challenged.
• Rubber band battle: Dina’s son and I enjoyed a rubber band battle in Great Full house. It was a blast flicking rubber bands at a moving target.



Before departing this entry, I want to remark on recent spirituality discussions I’ve shared with friends. It relates less directly to L’Arche, but if you are interested please read on! Mjid, a fellow assistant and I, grasped for truth together on a late Sunday night. I like to use the finger point analogy. Stay with me as I explain. Basically, I support the idea that God/Truth/Great Mystery/Awareness/Ultimate Wisdom (whatever you want to call it) exists and can be discovered in bits and pieces. Understanding of it all is impossible. There is simply no way for me to wrap my brain around the utter mystery of life. Truth is beyond my brain’s capabilities. This is an idea that I have only recently begun to truly accept. It is OKAY if I cannot logically make sense of all the mysteries of life. My brain is not God. There will always be a Great Mystery that one mind cannot fathom and completely understand. Science will reach ever and ever closer to scientific truths, but the reality (and I’m pulling from Integral Spirituality here) is that we can never fully get at all the variables for life. The individual by itself, especially, is so very limited. As a collective, humans and the universe can become ever closer to God. I believe that awareness of interdependence will help one see this.

Anyway, the finger pointing! So there are fingers, all of which point towards God/Truth/Great Mystery/Awareness/Ultimate Wisdom. My philosophy diagnoses the finger as both the problem and key to the solution. I have as of yet explored the finger representing various religions. The image is perhaps most clear when using the Bible or Qur'an. The Bible, I would argue, contains many insights that point towards God. The Bible is not God, because God is God, and God is unattainable and perfect. Yet, the problem with the finger is that so many people look at the finger and say, “that is God.” The Bible is not God! It is a finger pointing at God! Because people claim the finger is God, we get what most people refer to as fundamentalists. I’m excited at the prospect that this analogy functions outside of religion though. Staying on track, the Bible offers a lot of insight that makes us closer to God, which is my goal and I think the goal of anyone who takes all their innate identities seriously (as a spiritual being, physical being, sexual being, thinking being, emotional being, social being, etc.).

Going further, whereas the problem with so many people in so many instances is claiming the finger is God, the solution lies in taking what we can get from the finger, for what it is, a way to get at God. Now, so many (of my generation especially) write off religions due to their tendency to worshiping the finger rather than God.

Let’s look at an example that will help elucidate some of this jargon. Mjid and I are discussing Islam, specifically the call to prayer 5 times a day that is required of Muslims. Now, to someone like me, 5 is a fairly arbitrary number for Mohammad to have picked, even with consideration of it being picked for different positions of the sun. I assume (perhaps wrongly) it could have just as easily been 3, 5 or 8 prayer times in the day. Now, to many Muslims, the most important part here is to pray 5 times a day at the right times. That is the tradition, the institution. The error comes when one believes man was made for the rule, and not rule for the man. The finger is the 5 daily prayers. What I perceive to be pointing at is the benefit or need of prayer. Whether I do it 3 or 7 times a day is not as important as that I pray at all, and consistently if possible. The consistency part is what causes me to take seriously the importance of institution and tradition. It creates a structure that we can follow in order to meet our spiritual needs, like prayer. When religious institutions first begin, they are probably effective because the need for the institution is obvious. It’s an outlet for out spiritualities. We can commit to our spiritualities by committing to religious institutions. The error comes then when the need for the institution is forgotten. In my parents generation and older especially, there is tradition and institution, but the spirituality has somehow run away from why the institution was created to begin with! Error comes when there is no critique of the institution has a human made thing. Spirituality may come from God, but we need to analyze and adapt our institutions to keep up with how our spiritualities grow. My conclusion from these thoughts is that spirituality is most important, but religious commitment (the aspect of community I can get at another time) is a potentially awesome vehicle for developing and adapting one’s spirituality (I can easily relate to this. Though I ended my claim on Catholicism, I more or less remained active in campus ministry because I recognized that I grew from what came of my involvement).

In order to adapt to the lack of adaptation from institutions like the Catholic Church, there are new religions and spiritualities that are sprouting up, and have been for years (look at the thousands of denominational and non denominational Christian churches, yoga, Buddhist influence). Institutions must adapt to new realities or people defect. So many young people now are defecting from the Church into often absent or nebulous spiritualities. Many safely find good churches to join though.

Anyway, this has really gone on long enough and maybe I’ll continue writing on this stuff in a more structured way here soon...

Thanks to everyone who chooses to read this blog here. I appreciate any interest you have and I love hearing people say they enjoy it. I proclaim thanks for the skills I have that allow me to write, think, share, offer what I am blessed with to the world.